Monday, November 06, 2006

Pronunciation exercise 1: Jehova

Here's the scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian where a man is stoned to death for saying Jehova PhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhoneticPhonetic. According to Jewish law, only men were allowed to take part in stonings. This stoning is attended by a crowd of women pretending to be men (and, since many of those "women" are actually men to start with, it's really men impersonating women impersonating men). You'll find the script below.


--------[As Brian and his mum come over the top of a hill, they see a large number of people stoning some unfortunate. She hurries Brian along to get to the next victim in time. When he is, we see that he crowd consists entirely of women wearing fake beards. An elder stands in front of the next prisoner holding a scroll as he waits for the crowd to settle down.]
Elder - Mathias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath.
Mathias [to a guard] - Do I say yes?
Guard - Yes.
Mathias [To the elder] - Yes.
Elder - You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our lord, and so as a BLASPHEMER...
Crowd - Ooooh.
Elder - ...you are to be stoned to death.
--------[The crowd look anxious to kill Mathias]
Mathias - Look. I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was 'That piece of hallibut was good enough for Jehovah'.
Crowd - Oooooooh!
Elder - BLASPHEMY!!!! He said it again
Crowd - Yes, yes.
Elder - Did you hear him?
Crowd - Yes, yes.
Woman1 - Really.
--------[There is a moment of silence as the elder thinks, after hearing the woman's voice.]
Elder - Are there any women here today?
Crowd [Guiltily]
Elder - Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me...
--------[One of the more impatient women throws a stone and hits mathias on the head.]
Mathias - Oh lay off... we haven't started yet.
Elder - Come on. Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.
Crowd - She did, she did, he, he, he, him, him, him, he did.
[Their voices drop as they realise their mistake.]
Woman1 - Sorry, I thought we'd started. {Said lovelyly.}
Elder - Go to the back. There's always one, isn't there. Now where were we?
Mathias - Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying Jehovah.
Crowd [Shocked] - He said it again!
Elder - You're only making it worse for yourself.
Mathias - Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.
Crowd - Ooooooh! Elder I'm warning you... If you say Jehovah once more...
[A stone flys by and hits the elder.]
Elder - Right. Who threw that? Come on. Who threw that?
Crowd - She did she did, he, him, him, him, him, him, him.
Elder - Was it you?
Woman2 - Yes.
Elder - Right...
Woman2 - Well you did say Jehovah.
[She gets stoned {the blasphemer}]
Elder - Stop, stop. Will you stop that... stop it. Now look. No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Do you understand? Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear; even if they do say Jehovah.
--------[The skocked women stone the elder to death, ending in the dropping of a huge boulder on his fallen body.]
Woman3 - Good shot.
--------[One of the two roman guards looks at the other, who shakes his head. They do nothing.]


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